Why do holidays have to be so lame?
I don’t want to come off as a grump. Perhaps I’m just a bit of a curmudgeon. I just don’t understand why holidays have to be so lame.
Actually, I’m not talking about holidays at all. I’m talking about holiday get-togethers. I’m talking about Thanksgiving dinner with the family. I’m talking about sitting and chatting in the living room.
In life, you are good at some things and not so good at others. I’m not good at planned gift giving. I’m not good at planned meals. I’m better at impromptu. I prefer the spontaneous “hey, whatcha doing this evening? Wanna come over and have some drinks?”
I try to squelch it. I try to ignore it and pretend it’s not there. But a part of me lives in fear of Thanksgiving dinner. I can see it now: way too many people I don’t know too well crowded in a room designed for a few. The kids will be fun to talk to and play with, but the furniture will be uncomfortable to sit in. And there’s a complete lack of relaxed conversation.
Or maybe it’s not the lack of spontaneity. Maybe it’s just someone else’s tradition. Maybe I’m just ready to start my own. I’m ready to have a big fire going during the holiday meal. I want music playing and cats running around (my parents are anti-pet). I want to have comfortable chairs and alcohol (they’re also anti-booze). In holidays past, the food has always been great, but there’s more to it than food.
Oh but the food….
November 19th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
Agreed! Why do we put ourselves through this?!
November 19th, 2007 at 4:02 pm
John, dear John, You put yourself through this so that your mother (and probably your father too, and any in-laws and grandparents) have a fair chance to know you and know about you - and it’s all fair game. If you relax and toss back the uncomfortable questions, “I don’t know Aunt Ruth, when are you going to start having children.” then you can enjoy your family. Please do it, if not for your sake, for theirs. I speak passionately about this (from a mother’s perspective) because my 28-year-old son won’t be at Thanksgiving this year. He died in August, unexpectedly and suddenly. There was no chance for good-byes and reassurance of love. I can’t sit at my table this Season with an empty chair and my guilt (could I have done something to prevent this?) and grief ladeled all over my plate. So, for your family, be patient, be funny, and make memories - the guilt and grief will be less later when their chair is empty.
November 19th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
Thanks Rhoda for this important reminder to be both grateful and aware this holiday season.
November 19th, 2007 at 9:05 pm
this TG we are taking the children to the LA Auto show. than out to dinner prolly hometown buffet…no relatives, or family. just us and a bunch of very cool cars. and maybe a $6 hotdog.
November 19th, 2007 at 9:08 pm
Ronda, i want to give you my condolences. no mother should ever bury a child. may you find some peace in good memories.
November 20th, 2007 at 8:26 am
As Katie said, thank you for the reminder that life and relationships are tenuous and should be cherished every moment. Jon, my dear son-in-law, I would love to have my father at the table this year grousing and fussing and goading me into a discussion about politics. Enjoy the day, the meal and the company.
November 20th, 2007 at 9:19 am
Since we married we have always gone to NY and had ours with my husband’s super fun Irish Catholic family. Lots of friends and drama (my FIL is on the volunteer fire department so always get called away in the middle of it and comes back with a great story). Two years ago my SIL decided to start hosting at her home in Connecticut. She is married to a protestant and his super wasp family comes (nice people but the women don’t eat any gravy–the calories!–and copious amounts of red wine are not consumed).
My MIL has a sign in her kitchen that goes through the reason the different ethnic groups are on Earth and ends with the line “God created the Irish so somebody would be having some fun!” I think this is true and often see the puritan/protestant culture lacking in fun in the concern for propriety.
November 20th, 2007 at 9:23 am
Not to be curmudeonly myself, but Jon, the alternative to family at Thanksgiving is not having anyone to share it with. This will be the first year I have not spent Thanksgiving in the home I grew up in, and it will be the first Thanksgiving not having my grandmother around. And it makes me so sad.
Enjoy your family. Revel in them, Jon. Eat too much, have some wine, watch some football, and hold Charlotte really tight.
November 20th, 2007 at 11:14 am
I think that there’s nothing wrong with redefining the Holidays on more casual terms. Next year offer to host, and then you can have a more relaxed day with your family.
November 20th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Jon I haven’t commented here before but I do know where you are coming from. I hate uptight, overplanned and uncomfortable family get togethers.
But I also appreciate what the others have said about family being important and to treasure those moments, all sentiments I need to read myself as I head to my own uptight, overplanned and uncomfortable get together on Thursday.
Maybe you can sneak a flask into your pocket? : )
November 20th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
I also have to defend Jon a bit -Hickman family holidays are lame. And in response to Angel - I have been trying to set a good example and teach Jon about sneaking booze, but he just won’t listen.
November 20th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
If a flask helps, go for it!!
November 21st, 2007 at 8:16 am
Rhoda, very sorry for your loss.
November 21st, 2007 at 8:58 am
I used to complain about having to spend my holidays rushing around and driving to family members homes. My holidays were never my own. Now, I have no more parents or in-laws to complain about because they have all passed. I miss them and all their annoying habits. I wish that I could have just one more Thanksgiving with them…