Thirteen days after Charlotte
I spent a good part of the last few days reorganizing my some ~ 10 gigs of photos. It was a chore a long time coming, and it was fun to do. But as I worked last night, I realized I was automatically dividing my life between “before Charlotte” and “after Charlotte.” The photos were also divided somewhat by before and after Granju, but not to the same extent.
Part of it may be because C is only thirteen days old, I guess. But really, it strikes me that C’s birth was the most important thing in my life, and everything really will be different now. We will be packing diaper bags for a long time to come, we’ll be dealing with car seats and the fuss bus, and we’ll have this whole new, very dependent person.
Kids make you dumber
Three times in the last week, I have screwed up the little credit card machine at the grocery store. Three times.
My mom always joked that having kids makes you dumber. It seems to be true; I think I’m getting dumber.
Not accomplishing anything
Now that C is here, I don’t feel the need to accomplish anything. A few weeks ago, I was running around trying to get everything done before she was born, and I’m glad I did. I can think of better things to do right now than clean the mud porch - which I did the weekend before she was born. The only thing I can say I’ve accomplished today is reorganizing my pictures on the computer, which is very useful considering how many photos we now take.
I really feel no need to do anything else.
Getting up early
I’ve been up since 7:30, when Katie woke me up to help with the baby so she could get some sleep. It just occurred to me that I could go back to bed, since Katie is still up and the baby is the only one asleep. But I don’t really want to go back to bed.
It’s kind of a fun feeling, being up early. It’s one of the things I hate about going to work, that making time for Charlotte in the morning would mean getting up at 5.
In fact, I told Katie Wednesday night to wake me up Thursday, so I could watch C and Katie could get some sleep while someone else was there. Luckily, they were both asleep at the time. I remember waking up and thinking “please stay asleep … I don’t want to get up yet!”
Update
Wow. I haven’t really been on my blog all week, have I?
I didn’t end up working a full day on Wednesday as planned. We had too many errands to do at home and Katie still couldn’t drive, so my boss allowed me to work a half day. But I did work full days yesterday and today.
Yesterday, in fact, I got back in my car for the first time in two weeks. And what happened on its first drive in a fortnight? Yep, the brakes were out again. This time, I took the silly thing to a brake specialist, who informed me that the brakes were pretty much shot. The other guy had just replaced the master cylinder, which was in need of replacing, but he missed that everything else was bad, too. And yes, I’m sure I spent more than was absolutely necessary, but the car is 13 years old and that was its first major repair. I’ve never had anything done on the brakes in the six years I’ve had it, and its good to know I’ll stop when I need to.
It just couldn’t've come at a worse time. Being at the office for most of the day - thirty minutes away from Katie and Charlotte - has just been no fun. And it’s a weird feeling, too, leaving them and knowing they’re here but not in reach.
I’m looking for something new to read, because I’m about to finish my Cormac McCarthy book. Having a newborn means lots of time with a sleeping baby on your lap. You could watch television or surf the internet with a free hand, but I’d rather be reading. I’m trying to decide between another McCarthy or rereading some Jane Austen. Perhaps I’ll do both.
Currently reading
An odd choice for life with a newborn, isn’t it?
I had planned on not picking up a book near baby time, thinking I’d have enough to think about and look at. But the book proved invaluable in the hospital room, since it was easier to pick up than the computer and made more sense with the unpredictability of constant phone calls, guests, and medical staff visits.
Anyway, Cormac McCarthy is an odd choice in some ways - reading a brutal book while holding a delicate, beautiful child, for instance - but I like it.
Dreading going back to work
I have one more day of family time before going back to work on Wednesday. My boss told me I could have a flexible schedule the rest of the week - eg coming in late Wednesday - but if I have to be there, I’m just going to rip off the band-aid and not delay the inevitable.
So the day after tomorrow, with eight-day-old Charlotte at home, it’ll be back to 8-5 and serious time in the car for me. But that’s not what I’m dreading. I don’t dread work or the office; I don’t even mind the commute. What I dread is being away from Charlotte.
I have this completely irrational fear that I will be at work all day and I’ll come home a stranger. I fear that everyone else will be bonding with Charlotte and she won’t know who I am. Like I said, I know it’s irrational.
And think, everyone will be here having fun with little C, and I will be at work.
Sigh.
I just want to say
… babies make the best noises.
Can’t think of anything to blog about
I’ve been thinking all day of the things I want to write about when I got computer time, which has been scarce of late.
And now here I am, on the couch with the computer. And all I can think about is how great it is to have Katie and Charlotte here with me.
Random thought
It’s harder than I thought it would be to blog and baby at the same time.
Quote of the day
“It’s funny how you can love somebody so much when you’ve just met her.”
