Random thoughts about “step” parenting
If you think about it, the “step” in “step-parent” is nominal only. “Step-parent” is really a noun, not a verb; if I’m doing my job at home, I’m not step-parenting the kids, I’m parenting them.
But there obviously has to be some distinction. While I do parent the kids, that doesn’t make me their parent. Still, I wish there were some title that sounded less like I’m “half” of something.
After all, I’m sure there are plenty of parents out there who do less parenting than most step-parents.
And, too, I entered my relationship with the kids in the middle. I didn’t choose to parent “children” like I choose to parent Charlotte. But I did choose Henry, Jane, and Elliot.
Sometimes it feels like step-parenting is parenting without all of the privileges and recognition. It’ll be interesting to see how my role in the family changes as I become not only H, J, and E’s step-father but also the father to their little sister.
June 29th, 2007 at 7:56 am
I have always hated the word step parent. I think it’s demeaning to both the step parent and the birth parents.
July 1st, 2007 at 8:35 am
Labels are powerful….
if you let them define who you are.
I like your beginning…“Step-parent” is really a noun, not a verb; if I’m doing my job at home, I’m not step-parenting the kids, I’m parenting them.”
Very well stated.
I have read posts about Father’s Day and how step dads should have their own holiday….
and I ask why? We are dads, and celebration on Father’s day is about dads…and kids.
Enjoy the kids…enjoy life. You can wash clothes but you can’t wash memories.
Enjoy,
Emmett Pennington, Visionary Step Dad
July 9th, 2007 at 11:10 am
I totally relate to what you are saying. Especially the last part: “Sometimes it feels like step-parenting is parenting without all of the privileges and recognition.” I, too, am a step-parent to three kids. We haven’t had our own child yet, but are planning on it. We have the kids all summer and it has been a big transition, especially because i am the one staying home with them while my husband works. I have felt too, that I am doing everything that any mom does, but I’ll never be their mom. I’ll never be the one they miss and need in that way kids miss and need their moms. So I do find myself holding back a part of myself to protect myself from being hurt when they say, “I want my mommy.”
July 10th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
Well said.